Anxiety: How a Small Flame Can Turn Into a Fire

Understanding Anxiety

Anxiety is something that most people experience at some point in their lives.

For some, it comes and goes. For others, it feels like it’s always there—running in the background, making it hard to relax, think clearly, or feel settled.

It can show up in different ways. You might notice:

• Racing thoughts – you just cannot stop thinking about something, and your thoughts go on and on. It can feel like your mind won’t slow down, even when you want it to. You might replay conversations, think about worst-case scenarios, or feel like your brain is always “on.”

  
  

• Feeling on edge – you are restless, can’t sit still, and feel uncomfortable in your own body. It could be that even simple things like watching TV are hard because you can’t concentrate or relax enough to enjoy it. It can also feel like you can’t get comfortable in whatever clothing you put on, or you’re so deep in thought that you’re not really paying attention to the people around you.

  
  

• Trouble sleeping – this could be not being able to fall asleep because your mind won’t shut off, or waking up throughout the night and not being able to stay asleep. Even when you’re tired, your body doesn’t fully settle. It’s like waking up at 3 in the morning, angry at your coworker and thinking about what you’re going to say if they use your coffee mug.

  
  

• Overthinking situations – your mind starts on one thought, then builds onto another, and the next thing you know, you’re worried about the polar ice caps or if there are enough fish in the ocean for all the dolphins to eat.

  It’s kind of like deciding what you’re going to make for a barbecue at your friend’s house, and then it turns into, What if they don’t like this? What if someone doesn’t eat this? What if they don’t like the flavor? What if I spill it? What if everyone gets food poisoning?

  Before you know it, something simple has turned into something overwhelming.

  
  

• A constant sense that something isn’t quite right – this is beyond your gut instinct. It’s a constant worry that something isn’t right, even when nothing is actually happening. It can look like checking your phone over and over to make sure you didn’t miss a call from your child’s school, even though there is nothing wrong, but you are so worried that something might happen that you feel like you have to keep checking.

There Is a Purpose for Anxiety

One of the most important things to understand is that anxiety is not a sign that something is wrong with you.

It’s actually your body trying to protect you.

Your brain is wired to notice potential threats and respond quickly. This is often called the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. It’s designed to keep you safe.

The problem is, sometimes that system becomes overactive.

Instead of responding to real danger, it starts reacting to everyday stress, thoughts, or situations that don’t require that level of response.

If there were a lion chasing us, we would need a lot of anxiety—endorphins, adrenaline, everything in our system—to help us run away and stay safe. That same system can show up when we have to give a presentation at work or stand in front of a group. We need some of that energy to be able to perform and be “on.”

Anxiety Do Feel So Overwhlmeing

Anxiety isn’t just in your mind—it’s in your body.

Your heart may race. Your breathing may change. You might feel tense or restless. You may also notice your body reacting to what’s happening in the environment, like sweaty palms or even a sweaty forehead. You might notice clenched teeth or a squeezing, tight feeling in your body.

It’s this feeling that can also create more anxiety, because we start noticing that something is happening in our body and then have a response to it. If our heart is racing, we’re going to be upset or concerned about it.

These physical sensations can make it feel very real and very intense.

And when you don’t understand why it’s happening, it can create even more anxiety.

I remember when I was really little, I would wake up at night because i thought that there were snakes or alligators under my bed or that the Jersey Devil was going to come through my window. I would hear this thumping noise and I kept telling my mom that I could hear army men marching at night. She assure me that that amy men were not marching down our hallway, but I was not convinced. I really heard the noise.

I didn’t realize it was actually my heart beating and because it was so quit in the house, it sounded so loud. I had so anxiety because I thought there were things under my bed or coming through my window, and that made it even harder to relax or fall back asleep.

Looking back now, I can see that I was giving myself anxiety because I was worried about something. I just didn’t have the words or understanding for it back then. By the way the Jersey Devil came through my window and the alligators and snakes were very busy livng their best life in Florida.

So What Can Help?

First, think of it as a little fire. When anxiety starts, it’s like a small flame. If we keep focusing on it and adding thoughts to it, it grows bigger into a fire. But when we use coping skills, we’re putting water on that fire. It may not completely go out, but it doesn’t grow. We may not be able to get rid of the flame, but we can keep it from turning into a raging fire. We’re not trying to put it out all at once—we’re just trying to keep it from getting bigger.

Realize that anxiety is what’s happening. Tell yourself that you’re feeling these feelings because anxiety is occurring in your body. Then really assess the situation, because sometimes we do need the anxiety. If we’re watching young kids play by a pool and we’re afraid of them drowning, we need that anxiety. We need it to be there. And once we’re away from the pool, then it subsides.

But if you’re just sitting on your couch watching TV and the feeling is overwhelming, that’s where the dialogue needs to start happening. Tell yourself what it is and that this is physically happening because it’s your body’s response.

Instead of thinking, I don’t know why I’m upset or what’s going on, or giving yourself a hard time, when we start labeling it, it all of a sudden becomes different.

And then also reminding yourself that when people have anxiety or anxiety disorders, the symptoms they have are restlessness, racing thoughts, and things like that. So of course I feel this way. Of course this is happening. I just want to watch my show and I can’t.

Then the coping skills come in.

We cannot always eliminate anxiety as much as we want to, but we can decrease it. Realize that any coping skill is useful if it shows some improvement, and a key things is that we can only think of one thing at a time.

Think in terms of lowering the score. If your anxiety is a 9 on a scale of 0 to 10, and you listen to a meditation app for 5 minutes and it goes down to a 7, that’s improvement. If you do something else that occupies your mind, like playing Wordle, and it brings it down to a 5, you’re doing pretty good. That is so much better than a 9.

I know when somebody told me about meditation, I was like, there’s no way that this Jersey girl is going to be able to meditate. But I learned to do it in chunks. Just a few minutes at a time. Some people find peace with yoga, nature, or mindfulness. For me, it was just sitting for a few minutes—and that worked. Ther re aminful apps like Headspace that can be so useful, you can also typoe in guided medaitations on you tube, there are so many there,

We can only think of one thing at a time. If we’re focused on the anxiety, it keeps going. But if you find something that shifts your mind—even something simple like watching a funny video or doing something small—it gives your mind a break. We all have something that will occupy our minds even if just breifly, Explore that part of yourself, you may notice that when younlook out your window as cars go by your thoughts shift to "I wonder where all of these people are going?"

Some people take showers. Some people move their body. Some people distract themselves.

Coping skills are not always about being perfectly calm. They’re about shifting where your mind is going and giving yourself a break from the ongoing loop.